Introduction to Child Aggression and Lying
A special form of child aggression is lying. We must be very careful in judging children’s lies. Not every childish statement that does not correspond to the truth is a lie. A small child does not yet fully distinguish reality from the products of his imagination. In its own, completely subjective way, it processes observations about the outside world and dresses them in the clothes of its imagination. That is why it is not unusual for a small child to present certain events in a completely distorted way. It is convinced that it is telling the truth, and therefore it is not lying even though it is not telling the truth. His observation is still too inaccurate, fantasy is not yet subject to sufficient control of thought, so he cannot distinguish what he has really noticed from what he has added with his imagination. A young child has not yet developed the notion of time, the ability to connect events in their chronological order. And a strong emotional response, which is characteristic of a small child, contributes to the inability to know, to reproduce experiences and knowledge with dignity. Children’s alets prevail over opinion, so a small child cannot yet take a sufficiently objective attitude towards reality. It is only from the age of six that the child better distinguishes reality from imagination, then he begins to consciously tell a lie.
Understanding Children’s Lies: Developmental Stages and Motives
The motives for the lie are very varied. A child often lies to avoid a burden, an awkward task. This motive for lying is quite common and almost normal in young children who are happy to claim that they have done something that is required of them, even though they have not done so. But as a child gets older, such avoidance of duty by lying is less and less normal, so we have to think about it. Then it is an expression of the child’s inability to cope with burdens, to solve some tasks independently and to be responsible for something. That is why we find this motive of lies in timid, independent and discouraged children, and the most common cause is cuddling.
The most common goal of lying is: defending oneself from the unpleasant consequences of one’s act, to break out. zne beatings or some other form of punishment. From this it will not be difficult to conclude that the children of authoritative parents and those who have been brought up in a rude way, by intimidation and abuse, lie the most. And a vain upbringing with its constant pressure on the child and excessive workload on big tasks will easily lead to lying.
Lying often serves to brag. Excessive emphasis on one’s real abilities and success easily turns into exaggeration, and then into real fabrication. Boasting with lies can take on fantastic proportions. Sometimes a child invents whole novels in an effort to affirm himself in any way, to compensate for his discouragement, to present himself as particularly interesting or even a “hero”. This is usually served by various children’s fabrications about his supposedly high origin, about the special economic possibilities of his parents, about some of his “heroic” feats, about the fantastic future that awaits him, and so on.
But a lie can also be an expression of completely antisocial aspirations. It happens that a child lies in order to harm someone, cause him some inconvenience or harm him in any way. Behind such a lie usually hides a desire for revenge. It is often manifested in childhood by slandering other children for various imaginary offenses. We see this in a very jealous child who thus takes revenge on his opponent when he feels neglected. Such a motive for lying is also found in physically and mentally abused and humiliated and lovingly raised children. Then sadistic tendencies that are the result of brutal or even sadistic upbringing are sometimes hidden in the lie.
Sometimes we notice that a child is lying in order to hide some shortcomings of their parents. In this motive of lies, the emotional ambivalence of the child is manifested, ie the simultaneous existence of opposite feelings. The child may have a rude mother, and yet she will claim to be good to him; he may be afraid or ashamed of his alcoholic father, and yet he will deny that his father abuses him, etc. Ambivalence in feelings is to some extent innate in every man, even a child, and is highly developed in disordered, neurotic personalities. And it often happens to a child that he breaks between love and hate towards his educators, between defiance towards them and fear of them, between his dependence on them and the desire to get rid of them. Distinct ambivalence is always a sick phenomenon and a sign that the child is developing in an emotionally unhealthy environment that causes internal tension in him.
When we are confronted with a child’s lie, we should also keep in mind that the child sometimes imitates his educators by lying, or they even persuade him to lie and teach him how to “cope” with lies in certain awkward situations.
Normal vs Abnormal Lies in Children
The question arises, what to do with a child who is lying. Nothing should be done against the apparent lie of a small child because it is a normal occurrence. With intellectual development it will disappear by itself. It is completely unnecessary to correct untruths in children’s statements and prove to the child the erroneousness of his observations. We will not benefit him because he will not understand us, and we will unnecessarily burden him and perhaps cause him anxiety.
When a child lies in order to avoid performing a task, his lying should be ignored and consistently required to perform a certain duty. In this as in any other case of lying it would be quite wrong to punish or annoy with moral sermons. This would only reinforce the motives of his lying. We will wean a child from lying just by making it unnecessary for him. For this purpose, all those adverse environmental influences that caused the need to lie should be removed. Educators should be warned to be careful of their own truthfulness and taught not to use lies for educational purposes.
The Role of Parenting Styles in Children’s Lying
From the developmental stages and motives of children’s lies, we can see the clear influence of parenting styles on lying behaviors. Children of authoritative parents or those brought up in a rude way tend to lie the most to defend themselves from punishment. Similarly, a vain upbringing with constant pressure on the child and excessive workload on big tasks easily leads to lying. Educators should be careful of their own truthfulness and not use lies for educational purposes as it could teach children to lie.
Consequences of Excessive Pressure on Children
Excessive pressure on children and overwhelming them with big tasks can cause lying as a defense mechanism. It is an expression of the child’s inability to cope with burdens, to solve some tasks independently and to be responsible for something. This motive of lying is common in timid, independent and discouraged children, and the most common cause is cuddling. Weaning a child from lying requires removing all those adverse environmental influences that caused the need to lie.
Lying as a Defense Mechanism
Lying often serves as a defense mechanism, especially to avoid the unpleasant consequences of one’s act. This is common in children who try to avoid an awkward task or duty by lying. As a child grows older, such lying becomes less and less normal and may indicate an inability to cope with burdens or to solve tasks independently. Punishing or annoying a child with moral sermons would only reinforce the motives for lying. Consistently requiring a child to perform certain duties, ignoring the lying, and making it unnecessary for them to lie by removing adverse environmental influences are effective ways to wean a child from lying.
Lying to Brag and Boost Self-esteem
Children often lie to brag and boost their self-esteem. Exaggeration and fabrication are common, and boasting with lies can take on fantastic proportions. Children may invent whole novels to present themselves as particularly interesting or even a “hero”. Such lying behaviors are usually served by various fabrications about their supposedly high origin, the special economic possibilities of their parents, heroic feats, or the fantastic future that awaits them.
Antisocial Aspirations and Sadistic Tendencies
A lie can also be an expression of completely antisocial aspirations, with the goal of harming someone or causing them some inconvenience or harm. Revenge is often the motive behind such lying behaviors. Children may slander other children for various imaginary offenses, particularly when they feel neglected or jealous. Such lying is also found in physically and mentally abused and humiliated children who develop sadistic tendencies as a result of brutal or even sadistic upbringing.
Emotional Ambivalence and Unhealthy Environments
Children may also lie to hide some shortcomings of their parents, which reflects the emotional ambivalence of the child manifested in the simultaneous existence of opposite feelings. Such ambivalence in feelings is innate in every man, even a child, and is highly developed in disordered, neurotic personalities. When a child breaks between love and hate towards their educators, between defiance and fear of them, or between their dependence on them and the desire to get rid of them, distinct ambivalence is always a sign that the child is developing in an emotionally unhealthy environment that causes internal tension in them.
Imitation and Teaching of Lying
When we are confronted with a child’s lie, we should also keep in mind that the child sometimes imitates their educators by lying, or they even persuade them to lie and teach them how to “cope” with lies in certain awkward situations. Educators should be careful not to use lies for educational purposes and be truthful to their children.
What to Do When a Child Lies: Punishment vs. Consistent Expectations
Nothing should be done against the apparent lie of a small child because it is a normal occurrence that disappears with intellectual development. It is completely unnecessary to correct untruths in children’s statements and prove to them the erroneousness of their observations. Punishing or annoying a child with moral sermons would only reinforce the motives of their lying. In the case of a child lying to avoid performing a task, the lying should be ignored, and the child should be consistently required to perform a certain duty. Weaning a child from lying requires removing all those adverse environmental influences that caused the need to lie.
Removing Adverse Environmental Influences and Promoting Truthfulness in Education
To wean a child from lying, we must remove all adverse environmental influences that caused the need to lie. This includes reducing pressure, overwhelming tasks, and abusive or intimidating parenting styles. Educators should be truthful and avoid using lies for educational purposes. By consistently requiring a child to perform certain duties, ignoring the lying, and making it unnecessary for them to lie, we can promote truthfulness in children.
